I Was Triggered…

Ciao and Sacred Sunday to you:
I have to be honest with you, this week was an emotional roller coaster.
From joyful reunions with my heart blasted wide open, to feelings of sadness and loss for what once was.
It’s what you’ve heard me say time and time again – happy/sad.
I was holding it all pretty much together when a good friend texted me and I felt myself triggered.
She shared with me that she and another student/friend attended an outdoor yoga class.
My friend is a great writer and, while we talk on the phone often, our text messages are a lot like old fashioned hand-written letters. We jump in and go deep. No need for superficial chit-chat.
The yoga class teacher (who I know), the outdoor setting, the shared experience, the weather and magnificence of the vast blue sky was described so beautifully that I felt transported.
Then to put the❗️on the end of the message, my two friends/students sat and chatted after the class while a gentleman nearby played the flute.
Which of course reminded me of another dear student, a flute player, who passed away just before the pandemic turned our world upside down.
Tears sprang and I could feel the bubbling up of crankiness, which happens to me when I’m triggered. I flip my sadness into irritation, less painful that way.
Curious, do you know what you do when you’re sad and don’t want to go there?
Here we were, my driving husband, the dogs and I cruising along highway 84. The Columbia River Gorge to our left and rolling emerald-green hills to our right.
And I was feeling sorry for myself. Sad. Missing my students. My friends. Missing what was. Even in the midst of an adventure with glorious scenery and new experiences unfolding around me.
Plus, I had just days before visited with family and friends I had not seen in years.
My heart was full. Purnatva it’s called in Sanskrit. The fullness of perfection.
Here’s the thing, perfection in this sense does not mean there are no cracks, no flaws, no fissures. It means that because of the cracks, the flaws, the fissures, all is perfect.
Now don’t get me wrong. It was important for me to witness my state of being.
And then allow the thoughts and emotions to arise and be recognized. To feel where in my body they were emerging from and breathe into those areas.
Otherwise, consciously or unconsciously, I would have forced the negative thoughts and uncomfortable emotions down into my body, pushing them further into my tissues where they would lodge and harden later causing me emotional or physical pain.
Can you relate
Being present to what is going on within you, the good, the bad and the neutral is a discipline. Just like going to the gym or getting on your yoga mat.
The practice of honest self-inquiry and truthful self-reflection is what I consider advanced yoga.
Remember how incredibly out of your comfort zone you felt when you first did a down-dog or lifted weights? That’s how getting real with yourself can feel.
But as another friend of mine and I discussed this week, the only way out is through.
Just an aside – did you happen to notice how many friends/students I mentioned in this missive? How blessed are we with the gift of rich relationships!
What I want you to take away from today’s Sacred Sunday is that you and I are human after all.
You will experience a flood of thoughts, emotions and feelings during your lifetime.
Change may friend, is inevitable. Change is simply the nature of life.
However, the ability to hold the container for yourself in the midst of the cycles of life is the way of a Tantric yogi.
After 25+ years of study and teaching, I can tell you that personal growth work is an on-going process. Don’t let that scare you. It’s actually a good thing.
So, I urge you, do the work. Even when you’re resisting and just damn well don’t feel like it. The pay-off is grand.
🏻The pay-off is learning to live your life with badass authenticity and brilliance.
Plus, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to mentor and guide you along the way. Contact me when you’re ready to take that next step on your journey.

With love and appreciation, xoxo Paulette

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