“Love, Loss and Grace

Ciao and Sacred Sunday to you:

As always, I hope that your week was filled with peace, joy, and love.

I have a lot to share with you today.

The most heart-wrenching, my little daimon of the past four years, Bandit, passed away this week. To make it even more poignant, it was my husband’s birthday.

We knew his time was coming near, but you’re never prepared for the loss of your beloved four-legged family members.

Bandit spared me from making that dreaded final decision, he died in my arms on the way to the vet’s office.

You may remember that Bandit had been my mom and dad’s dog. And as my sister-in-law affectionately says, “he was their favorite dog of all.” And that he was. I jokingly say, he was my inheritance.

Bandit had health issues since puppyhood so we never imagined he would live to an age of 17 years and 7 months. But he was feisty and fierce. And as a few of my friend’s tease, “just like you, P”. Although I’ve never bitten anyone, I sure have felt like it a few times.

What’s happening for me right now, is that the loss of this tiny 8lb. sentient being has rocked me to the core. His death has activated every great loss I’ve ever known.

It’s what can happen to us with loss and grief. One loss ignites another and another and another. And that’s OK if you let it be. I’ve decided that I need to let it be.

What I’m also realizing is that the feistiness and the fierceness that are for the most part positive qualities of my personality, at times can be a detriment.

I push.

I power up my inner resources and fortitude, and plow through my emotions as if they were the wild grasses on my property that need mowing.

My brain thinks, let’s just mow those suckers down. I throw down my mat, turn the music up, and sweat the feelings out until I’m exhausted. And I think, yeah, I’m working through the grief.

Sure, I also hike, get out in nature, meditate, journal, talk to my coach, trusted friends, my husband, read, listen to podcasts, all the while doing my best to efficiently eliminate the emotions.

The truth is that only works temporarily. It’s a quick fix to pick up and get moving along.

Plus, I’m a worker bee. I own that about me and to a point I thrive on being a worker bee. To a point. And yet, sometimes I cross the line and the working becomes unhealthy and a way to spiritually by-pass.

Sound familiar? Yep, I’m just like you, my friend.

The death of my chihuahua spirit animal left me with this insight, I’ve never properly taken the time to grieve; not the loss of my mother, my father, the place I lived in for 40 years, my home, the losses that the pandemic brought, and that’s only naming a few current.

I won’t list the number of losses and trauma that I’ve experienced through the years. I imagine you can relate and have your own version of a trail of tears.

The only time I recall stepping back from teaching, coaching, or writing weekly Sacred Sundays is when I’ve become ill. Oh, a day or two here and there. Vacations, sure. But to truly grieve. To recover. To reclaim myself.

Not in my playbook. I pick up, get back in the thick of things, and go forward.

But a question I’ve been asking myself, “Are you really going forward? Or simply going?”

One of my teachers used to say, “where you place your attention is where you place your heart.”

In our society we’ve not been taught how to grieve. Though I must say that experts are beginning to understand the effects that trauma plays in a person’s psyche. In the mind, body, and spirit. And are beginning to offer strategies and methods in which to recover and heal.

The thing you and I both need remember, healing is not an end game. It’s yoga. Healing is an on-going journey that leads us to a deeper understanding of who we are.

We’ve not been taught how to care for ourselves when loss happens.

The tricky part too, is that we’re unique beings sharing this journey called life. So, we need to find the commonalties that will support us as a whole and honor our own individual way.

My friend, I’m beyond grateful for your dedication to Sacred Sunday.

Contacting me for coaching and mentoring, emails, texts, DM’s and calls, expressing your appreciation of how SS has inspired, supported, or given you something evocative to consider and contemplate is meaningful to me.

I do not take your commitment to reading SS week after week, month after month, year after year for granted.

So, it’s with sadness that I write to you today that I’m taking a Breakaway breather. Scary too as Sacred Sunday has been an anchor for you and me in these tumultuous times.

Yet, I need to walk my talk. I need to allow myself time to grieve.

I know that pushing through my feelings this time, is not the answer. Pushing also blocks the flow of Grace. Instead, I’m asking for my cup to be replenished.

In this time of breathing into all the emotions that are arising, I’m also sorting through where the libido wants to flow.

By pausing to “do the things” I write to you about, I’m inviting Grace to lead me instead of me trying to lead Grace.

Yet, I’m not disappearing from life or from you, I’m creating a little more space to heal and feel into where my heart wants to place its attention.
So, the good news, there are still ways in which you can work with me.

~ Coaching
I will continue to take a select number of coaching clients.

~ Havening
I’ve written before about Havening, named for creating “a safe haven”. Havening is a psycho-sensory, non-invasive trauma release methodology. I’ve been both the client and practitioner and can tell you honestly that I’ve found this modality to be both empowering and effective. (No one is exempt from some level of trauma.)

~ Mystic Heart Retreats and Mystery School
We’re in creativity mode as we re-envision our business. Discussion is beginning to next experience Peru and her sacred sites.
(Italy still has openings for November 2-9, 2022.)

~ Free Resources
Head on over to my website where you’ll find free resources, past blogs, videos, podcasts and articles.

~Writing
Many of you have asked me to write a second book. And to compile Sacred Sundays into one place. I’m happy to share that the book is beginning to take form.

And as I encourage you, I will pause. I will open to Grace. I will listen deeply.